Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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