I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
