He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
