well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
