I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
