i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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