It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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