I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Randomize
