Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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