I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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