She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
