oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
