sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
