I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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