You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
