can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
