Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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