through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
