Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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