garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
