If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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