You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
