I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
