Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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