I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Randomize
