she woke up with a sticky ear
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
