If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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