3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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