Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
