Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
