A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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