Need sex. Gaining weight.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
