Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
two words...techno handjob
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
