Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
