WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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