barbara walters just said penis...
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
