I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
one two three fourrrrnication!
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
