at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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