I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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