So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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