Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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