yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
