He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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