Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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