Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
