the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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