At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
