Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
