we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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