I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
