I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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