i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
