how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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