found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
you traded sex for a burrito?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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