i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
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