ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
